Teenage Princess is a born shopper. She makes me proud scooting to the back of the stores to find the clearance racks before perusing the expensive stuff. Sports Girl is an in and out shopper. And only at athletic stores. We enter Olympia Sports, she be-lines it for the girls section, grabs some athletic shorts and a few T-shirts and calls it good. The Little Guy hates any and all kind of shopping and lets us know how torturous he finds the experience
This is how may day went: First stop, Target.
TP-"Text me when you're leaving"...and she bolts to shop on her own.
SG-"Something smells." She looks at the Little Guy. "Are you kidding me? Mom, LG farted again and he smells. I'm dying!!!" (Yes, the three exclamation points are necessary)
LG-In a fit of giggles. "It's not that bad." He chases his sister down the aisle
Mom-"I don't see any other children acting the way you do."
I finish loading my cart with items that aren't on my list and proceed to the checkout, using my text to talk feature to tell TP we're leaving. Fifteen minutes later we're still waiting for TP. SG and LG are giggling hysterically, poking and kicking each other. Aw, brother and sister love. Finally, TP checks out--spending her money on more make up.
My sister and her boys are flying out from California tomorrow and LG asks lots of questions about his cousins, ages four and sixteen months. My sister texted me with the new words the baby has learned, and the kids' food and play likes.I read the text but the only thing LG picked up on was the last line: Colton likes to play with balls. He laughs hysterically, tears pouring out of his eyes. His sweet sister doesn't get the joke. LG can't speak he's in such a fit of hysterics. Finally he explains his inappropriate translation of my sister's innocent text. SG blushes with embarrassment (she's a good kid). He repeats the line, "He likes to play with balls" over and over and over again.
We then venture to the grocery store to pick up a few items. TP takes off for the cafe` where she can take advantage of the free wifi. I shop with the other two.
LG-"Can we get ice cream?"
Mom-"We have ice cream at home."
LG-"Can we get popsicles?"
Mom-"I just bought a box of 20 two days ago."
SG-"He ate them all." Cough, cough, gag. "Did you fart again?"
In a fit of giggles LG jumps on SG's back and continues to stink up the entire store.
I turn the cart around and hurry to the next aisle, pretending not to know the two children wrestling, laughing, gagging, and being very vocal about what LG smells like. Unfortunately they found me and the scene continued in the check out aisle. There was no escaping the little mutants. Oops, almost forgot to remind TP that we were at the car. She found us, barked at her brother for the fumes emanating around his body, and glued her face to her iPhone the rest of the way home while SG and LG pushed each others' buttons (they're actually quite close and try to get mad but end up in a fit of laughter). I cranked up the radio and did my best to tune everyone out.
When we got home (the windows down the entire trip), I disinfected LG and unloaded the bags not remembering putting four gallons of ice cream, two packages of Oreos, a box of popsicles, a bag of pistachios, and a package of fake nails in the cart. The bottle of blueberry vodka, however, I did remember.
This is why I shop alone.